i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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