i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
