I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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