dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
