This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
