I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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