He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
