So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
