Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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