would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
