she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
