theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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