He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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