so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
