Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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