i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
