Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
