Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
