i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
