my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
