Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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