its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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