i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
