dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
