I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
