So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
