Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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