Sry I called you an 8
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
