You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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