Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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