i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
