I'm really into asian looking animals
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
