my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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