I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
