oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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