Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I would fuck him just for his dog
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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