sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize