I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
