i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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