shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
