i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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