I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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