I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
