I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
drinking out of a sandbucket again
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Randomize