take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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