Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
