Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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