Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
