A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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