Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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