She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
