either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
