hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
