Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
