i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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