I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Of course I have a pirate flag
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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