on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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