I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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