Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She just used a chaser for red wine.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
