Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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