So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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