make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize