can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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