In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
