I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
As shirtless as possible
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
