You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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