Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
no, he came in my armpit
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
cat food counts as protein by the way
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
