Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
