Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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