One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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