Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
