your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
