Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
