What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
