discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
