38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
If I die, sorry about rent.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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