Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
