i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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