Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize