Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
