Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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