I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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