shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
