batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
