if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
