I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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