He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize