So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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