you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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