my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
