Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
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