I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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