new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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