Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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