I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
